What happens at five o’clock is shaped hours earlier. Too little daylight, a long late nap and coffee in the afternoon can all add to the restlessness that comes later.

What helps

• Get outside, or sit by a window. “Exposure to bright light can help reset the person’s body clock,” the National Institute on Aging notes. A daily walk helps too.
• Keep naps short and early: rest if she needs it, but “keep naps short and not too late in the day.”
• Keep coffee, tea and cola to the morning, and skip alcohol, which can add to confusion and anxiety.
• Plan the busy things early. Appointments, outings and bathing go in the morning or early afternoon, when she is most alert. A full day is tiring.
• Give her something to do in the afternoon: folding towels, sorting, a familiar job.

Low light makes shadows that are easy to misread. A dark window reflects the room, and a person living with dementia “may see a reflection in a window and believe there is an intruder in their home.”

What helps

• Lights on, curtains closed, before dusk. Dementia UK’s advice: “Close the curtains and turn the lights on before dusk to ease the transition into night-time.”
• Keep the light even, with lamps in the corners and no deep shadows.
• Cover or turn a mirror if reflections upset her.
• If she sees someone who isn’t there, don’t argue. Ask what’s worrying her, sit close, and reassure her.

Late in the day, old routines can surface: she may need to pick the children up from school, or get home from work. Home can be a feeling more than a place. “If they don’t recognise their environment as ‘home’ at that moment, then for that moment, it isn’t home,” the Alzheimer’s Society says.

More on what to say in Words That Land.

By supper she is tired. A big meal, the news on and people arriving home from work or school can add up to too much at once.

What helps

• Serve the main meal at lunch, and keep supper light.
• Turn the news off. A familiar show is fine, “but not the news or other shows that might be upsetting.”
• Fewer people at once. Ask family to come in quietly and sit with her.
• Check her needs: hunger, thirst, the toilet, pain, or being too warm or cold can look like restlessness.
• Make it a quiet hour: soft familiar music, a simple task, or a family phone call at that time.

Waking in the dark, she may not know where she is or where the bathroom is. A sudden bright light and a raised voice can frighten her more.

What helps

• The same bedtime and waking time every day, with calm activities before bed and a quiet house once she’s asleep.
• Fewer drinks after supper, and plenty earlier in the day.
• Light the way: night lights in the bedroom, hallway and bathroom, a clear path, and the bathroom door open with a picture of a toilet on it.
• If she wakes upset, go to her calmly, gently tell her the time, and reassure her that everything is all right. Never restrain her.
• A chime over the outside doors, or a monitor that signals when one opens.
• Sleep medicine is a question for her doctor. Store-bought “PM” sleep aids with diphenhydramine can cause confusion and falls. Ask about melatonin, and about the timing of her other medicines.

Evening Notes

“Make notes about what happens before sundowning events and try to identify triggers,” the Alzheimer’s Association suggests. Log each hard evening here: when it started, what came just before, and what helped. Your demo notes are available while this page stays open. Copy or print them before you leave.

Your Evening Too

The hard hour comes at the end of your day as well. Your calm carries: she picks up on stress in your body language. Rest when you can, ask family to call or take a shift at that hour, and forgive yourself the nights that go badly.